Quick musings since it's been a bit since the new job...
or How the fuck am I still up when this is basically the start of my "weekend".
A bitch should be sleeping after dealing with the profound horsefuckery that is my job, along with this pain in my knee. But the adjectives and adverbs in my head cry out to been seen.
So alack, we ball.
Six months (or seven? Time is a weird thing down in the underground, I reckon) have passed since I started this job. It has given me things to ponder about the human race, be in on a good day when I can see the best in humanity working together as one force of absolute good or on a bad day where I think of the movie “Tales of the Crypt: Demon Knight” where you have this scene. Billy Zane is right about humans 75% of the time. The only thing I can do is do my job and go home, which is apparently hard for some. So, it’s shouldn’t be that hard for me to pass probation, right?
It’s a good thing that my social life is taking a hiatus: The burnout with people is happening again and with that plus the job bullshit that double team with my doubt times the fact I just want to recover and maybe enjoy V-Tuber brain rot with the pile of comics I swear I’ll get to, but at the moment, life is doing it’s thing. When was the last I had this feeling of “AW SHIT BRO, PEOPLE?!?!?! EUGHH!!” 2020. Right before lockdown because of Covid. A terrible, but amazing year at the same time.
How odd that a person can hold so many degrees in academia but when I mention of being a Humorist, I’m faced with a confused stare. There’s a difference between a Humorist and a Comedian, and the way I write, being a humorist is the way to go. So, maybe I want strengthen my funny bone and my writer’s tools at the same time. I write funny better than I speak it.
It’s been a while since I written anything late at night. Usually, I have epic cases of sadbrains and I write poems that have words I would find inside a book in Rizzoli. Strange that those poems come from a crying Muppet, disguised as a human adult wondering about the meaning of life in the 21st century, while eating pickles from Lebanon, some addictive Korean apple yogurt drink, pimento chips and listening to a song called “Rock and Roll McDonald’s”. It’s the job and how it tires me the math out, but tonight? *Shrug*
I love now my ritual when I get home from work is just having a treat of midnight snacks and tucking in to watch weirdly specific YouTube shit. Friends are fascinated about my watching Japanese ASMR Train reviews or the one anime YouTuber who has amazing video essays about movie length anime made by a weird Japanese cult, or just a random guy just talking in his room about anything. It helps the reset from the tiredness or the frustration or the stupidity that I have to deal with at the job, and frankly, sorely needed. Especially when I have days of feeling like a garbage man version of Sisyphus, just rolling a boulder of shit and filth, wondering when it will come down and I would have to begrudgingly roll back up again. My falling asleep to stuff like that softens that hurt a tad.
I promised myself if I made it to the halfway point of probation, that I would treat myself to a drink at my favorite Irish bar, along with that tasty-ass popcorn. But I don’t know. Too tired. Too broke. Too … Meh? Let’s see if I can get to that goal in a month or two. I do miss having a taste of whiskey and a soda back, but would it be weird drinking by myself?
The best thing for me to keep on going with job and not rage quit nowadays is the co-workers who I’ve trauma-bonded with, my therapist, the gang at the shop and this bird Vtuber for some oddly inspiring reason?
Huh.